PARENTHOOD (1989)

In his 1877 novel Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy writes: “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” In other words, happiness is a very delicate thing. There is a common assortment of characteristics that can gift a family with contentment, one specific way in which a household can achieve happiness—but there is no end to how disenchantment can infect a home.

This snippet of literature has come to be defined as the Anna Karenina principle: while a successful effort is only achieved when any possible deficiency, lack, or error is avoided, failure can plague an undertaking in a myriad of ways. It is this very idea that serves as the thesis for Ron Howard’s seminal family comedy-drama Parenthood: in how many ways can one ruin their family?

Gil (Steve Martin) is a father of three who receives upsetting news: his eldest son Kevin (Jasen Fisher) is diagnosed as emotionally disturbed, with a child psychologist suggesting he seek special education. He and his wife Karen (Mary Steenburgen) are stunned. As far as Gil was concerned, he did everything by the book; all he ever wanted was to raise happy, healthy children. But as we soon discover, Gil’s family life is riddled with issues.

Gil’s older sister, Helen (Dianne Wiest), has been left by her husband to raise two troublesome children: Garry (Joaquin Phoenix) furtively leaves the house with a paper bag he’s suspiciously protective of, while his elder sister Julie (Martha Plimpton) secretly has her boyfriend Tod (Keanu Reeves) over at nights. Meanwhile, Gil’s younger sister, Susan (Harley Jane Kozak), struggles as her husband, Nathan (Rick Moranis), attempts to raise their daughter as a prodigy.

Finally, there’s the youngest of Gil’s siblings, Larry (Tom Hulce). The black sheep of the family arrives unexpectedly at a family dinner, where he introduces everyone to his four-year-old son. Larry explains that a former lover only introduced him to his child four months prior: “A couple of months ago, she turns up with him and tells me, ‘You watch him. I shot someone. I have to leave the country.’ Ha! That’s a parent?!” It’s in this interaction that a prominent question in the story is first raised: what does it mean to be a good parent?

The central concern of everyone in the film is that they’re ruining their children in the precious formative years of their lives and irrevocably damaging their nascent psyches. Consequently, we watch as each parent undergoes different approaches to try and ensure their child has the best possible start in life. This is seen most absurdly in Nathan, who has his three-year-old daughter read him Franz Kafka’s 1919 short story In the Penal Colony, or memorise the square root of 8,649.

Nathan is the surreal personification of parental angst: the terror that their child’s brain will be irreparably corrupted by external influences. Or worse, by forces within the nuclear family itself. Gil is wracked with guilt that he has caused Kevin’s anxious personality. When Karen informs him she’s pregnant, he erupts: “Well, great! Let’s see how I can screw the fourth one up!” Suggestions that the pair are blameless in Kevin’s condition are dismissed: they immediately point the finger at each other, with accusations of poor parenting ranging from past marijuana use to letting the kids sit too close to the television screen.

This melancholic theme is developed in a shrewdly amusing way in the opening scene. Gil is being dropped off at a baseball game by his father, who leaves his son with an usher—on Gil’s birthday, no less. Gil reveals to his newfound babysitter that this was an annual occurrence, with a surprisingly well-informed description of the effect it had on his personal development. That’s because it’s no longer a child talking: it’s Gil, a 35-year-old man, reliving the moment 26 years later.

The fact that he was traumatised by his father’s detached parenting style causes a deep crisis in Gil. He doesn’t want to ruin his children, relive past mistakes, or repeat the toxic dynamics that have haunted him well into adulthood: “It’s why I swore things would be different with my kids. It’s my dream. Strong, happy, confident kids.” This is solemnly shown to be a chimaera. There will always be problems in raising a family—it’s all part of the vicissitudes of life.

Wisely, screenwriters Lowell Ganz and Babaloo Mandel suggest this is a condition that simply never ends: a parent will always be terrified of losing their child or of harm befalling them, regardless of age. Frank (Jason Robards), Gil’s father, finds himself in a quandary when Larry begs him to pay off a gambling debt. In a scene where Frank and Gil finally open up to each other, the patriarch reveals how the terror of loss hangs over a parent indefinitely: “It’s like your Aunt Edna’s ass: it goes on forever, and it’s just as frightening.”

Such is the agony of parenthood. Howard creates a bittersweet film by showing the highs and lows of familial attachments. He captures the deeply isolating feeling of being lonely amidst company; confused teenagers and desperate parents clash and recoil at the difficulties facing them. In this, Parenthood becomes a film about understanding ourselves through our family, about combining our present moment with past experiences to form an approach to life. It’s a surprisingly thoughtful meditation on the human condition.

This is analogised by Grandma (Helen Shaw) in one of the film’s quietly spectacular moments. As Gil is lamenting to Karen once again that raising the kids is strewn with problems, the matriarch of the family reminisces about a time decades ago when Gil’s grandfather took her to a theme park. “I always wanted to go again,” she muses. “You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn’t like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the rollercoaster. You get more out of it.”

The performances in Parenthood are staggering. Top-billed Steve Martin delivers a powerful portrayal of a family man grappling to reconcile his career aspirations with his vision of ideal fatherhood. His deep involvement in his children’s lives is evident, as is his struggle with Kevin’s emotional problems. Mary Steenburgen is equally compelling as a mother desperately trying to hold things together before they fall apart.

However, while both leads excel, Dianne Wiest steals the show. As a mother with no support from her ex-husband and lacking respect from her children, she is phenomenal. A palpable sense of despair hangs heavy in the air around her, with her eyes effortlessly conveying a complex range of emotions. This distress is amplified by a mesmerising early performance from Joaquin Phoenix, who channels the anger, anxiety, and fear of an abandoned child with an intensity that belies his age. Even 35 years ago, the 14-year-old’s talent was evident.

Our protagonists face uncertain futures. But as Frank and Grandma wisely suggested, that’s just life—a rollercoaster we ride until the journey ends. Parenthood could have been a run-of-the-mill family dramedy, but it excels in both humour and emotion, leaving you in tears one moment and laughing the next.

That is because this 1989 classic is directed by Ron Howard with tangible honesty, while also being written with sincerity by three new parents. In channelling both their childhood experiences and frightening new responsibilities as caregivers, the film captures the best and the worst of what family has to offer: love and hate, connection and separation, indescribable comfort and impossible torment. We all would like to have one and not the other, but life isn’t a merry-go-round. Part of living (and family, too) is about experiencing it all and making the most of the good stuff along the way.

USA | 1989 | 124 MINUTES | 1.85:1 | COLOUR | ENGLISH • SPANISH

Cast & Crew

director: Ron Howard.
writers: Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel (story by Lowell Ganz, Babaloo Mandel & Ron Howard).
starring: Steve Martin, Tom Hulce, Rick Moranis, Martha Plimpton, Jason Robards, Mary Steenburgen, Dianne Wiest, Joaquin Phoenix & Keanu Reeves.